Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think people are normalizing furries
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
