I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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