Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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