just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
