i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize