I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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