Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
