I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
