apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
