my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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