I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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