She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
