Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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