I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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