I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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