I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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