haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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