five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
