K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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