you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
