There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
