Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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