so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
