So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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