just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
