Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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