didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
