if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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