Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
