Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
