She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
