Already got asked if we're dating
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
