I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
