we have pet lesbian snakes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
