Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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