through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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