Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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