So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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