Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
