The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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