i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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