Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
