Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize