If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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