i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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