well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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