Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize