we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
