I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
