How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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