So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize