so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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