I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?