I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now