party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex