apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ