im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.