i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
