Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
