Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
