you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
