People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
