alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
