do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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