my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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