My first STD was from a foam party
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
