She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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