Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
