I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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