rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
