even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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