Umm I'm too high to move.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
