Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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