i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
