I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
