Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
