I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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