now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
