I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
